I have a draft about the Arte Y Pico Award which was given to me by John D. I came back online yesterday, and wanted to pay it forward. But I am only just able to hold my head above the swirling, dark waters of depression. I have only just found the ability to think beyond the next pained breath. In short, the awards must wait until I can do them due justice.
I am lying beside the box of Hello Newman's ashes, that we picked up tonight. I had thought that I had wept enough, mourned enough and written enough to close this chapter. I have not. Cricket took me back to Penn, where they gave me a white cardboard box with Newman's remains inside.
It was so light, I feared that there had been a mistake. That he was alive, fit, hale and hearty. That this was a mistake. That they'd cheated me. That he hadn't had a private cremation. That this white box did not include my old, dear friend.
Weeping as I hadn't since we'd brought him in to be put to sleep, I hugged the white box. The label read "Paws To Heaven". If that doesn't touch you, then you are in need of help. On the road home, I picked at the tape and opened the box.
Inside was a little locked wooden box, with a brass plate: Hello Newman. As I cried, I told Cricket to remind me to never name an animal with a greeting again. Inside, was a certificate that Hello Newman had had a private cremation, that he was a beloved pet of the MacNamarrah family and the date of his death.
His ashes were bound in a white cloth. I unlocked the box and added a photo of him. I tried to upload one for this post, but it wasn't happening. So, I may show him in all his glorious beauty later. Because you may be tired of hearing about him and think that it is time for me to move on, but I still need to show him off. To boast about him. To say what an amazing gift he was. To make him live, still.
12 comments
Girlfriend...
This here is your blog and you can type about your cat as long as you want to!Talk about whatever you want whenever you want. Anybody who does not want to read about it can f#ck off or simply come back later. Just keep typing something. Hang in there, Precious. Aren't you glad that I don't live within 4 states of you so I can't come over and try to make you catch my mania? I would quickly bug the crap out of you by forcing you to jump on the couch like Tom Cruise on Oprah while we cranked up the AC/DC and threw glitter...oh yes I could make you, don't tempt me.
Eve
Dano,
You loved Hello Newman, and don't worry about writing about him too much. It is OK.
Anyone who has ever been blessed to share their life with a fur baby- whether it's a dog, cat, rabbit, ferret, hamster, ANYTHING, knows the pain of what you are feeling and understand what you are going through.
Take care of yourself Dano. Remember to eat, sleep, and be good to yourself. And always, always honor and treasure the memory of Newman. He sounds like he was a lovely cat.
Give the other purr babies scritches from their Auntie Susan and Cousin Holly. I *DO* live close enough to visit and come bearing catnip.
Love,
Susan s.
Dano, you've been TAGGED! Go to my blog for the tagged rules and have fun!
Ash
http://overcomingschizophrenia.blogspot.com
you are making me weep here. so sad when our beloved pets die. sometimes i take out my past kitty's toys and just hold them. our furry friends are so important...sometimes life saving to us. i feel your grief. i am sorry for your loss.
It's beautiful that you had such a long, important relationship. I have a cat I've had for 8 years, and I lost him once for 3 months, so I feel for you. Loss f@%!ing s#@%s.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Losing a beloved pet is often so heart breaking that sometimes I wonder if it's worth having one. But then again, when I really think about it, I think it is worth it. I hope you have wonderful memories of him.
Dano,
I've been enjoying the heck out of your archives today and I've finally put you on a live feed...that's the only way I remember to visit blogs these days...
I'm terribly, terribly sorry about your loss.
Grieve in any way you need to---there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
peace to you.
i'm sorry about your cat :(
I have been remiss in answering all of your kind and thoughtful comments. Sorry for my lapse.
ANON~ Thank you so much. He was an extremely handsome cat and very photogenic. His image has been used on many cards that I make and sell.
His most healthy pictures were on a system I no longer use, so when I have some time and money, I will transfer them. And post his lovely face for all to admire!
EVE~ Hot crap on a cracker! (I heard this on basic TV the other night)!
If you come to my house, which is considered a "habitable shell", we could gather up all the roving dust bunnies and blind that wanker Cruise!
We'll save the glitter I had from my Carnival Cruise job, for when we stop by Oprah, Kay?
SUSAN~ You are such an inspiration of fight instead of flight, of strength in the face of daunting set-backs, of the force of truth in face of stigma, of your own shining self. I am happy to know you.
VALASH~ My love, I will get there soon. I am sorry that I have been away, but you have been in my thoughts.
MERELYME~ Oh lovie, I hope that those were tears of fond and wonderful memories, and not the awful, empty kind.
My worst part came, when my mother told me how amazing it was that I could care for an animal this much. Even as my father will no longer speak to me or see me.
But, this cat, Hello Newman was more than that. I had been with him for more than a decade. We had grown in our relationship and I know I became a better person because of his presence.
NATHAN~ I would like to express my gratitude for your understanding, along with my hope that you and your wandering feline are still adding joy to each other's lives.
POLAR BEAR~ It is true that when we embrace an animal into our lives, we do it knowing that in all likelyhood we will out-live them.
The loss of a beloved person or pet is terrible. But I doubt that our lives would be better, had we not known them!
GIANNA~ I am flattered and happy that you have looked back into the archives. I so admire you, and am humbled by your words.
I'm a bit discombobulated, but I'll be by soon.
PHILLIP~ Thank you. I know how busy you are, so I appreciate you taking the time to stop by, as well as comment.
Oh, I am sorry to read this about Hello Newman. Sending you lots of hugs and love,
Stephany
Stephany~ Thank you for thinking of me. Whilst the loss of Hello Newman was a personal tragedy, you have so much more on your plate. I wish you the very best!
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Thank you, Dano.
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