Please don't read this if you are feeling vulnerable.  Please go to the hot-line links on the right.  Thanks.

So, I've been kind of chatty here recently.  I've been chatty in my real life.  But I feel that I should be honest here, as much as possible.  I do believe that I mentioned my self-injury recently, but I'm not sure I gave it full credit.

I used to open my arms and legs with razors.  The cuts that got sewn up are thin with dots from the stitches.  Others are long and wide, thanks to no medical help and myself.  Cigarette burns make pale dots on the veins on my hands and tattoo bracelets around my wrists.  The final big burn up my arm took three cigarettes and shows it.  That one got me into the last hospital for three months.  Other injuries have done the same.

I have made a choice to no longer cut myself, burn myself, staple myself, hit myself, bruise myself or run my knuckles on bricks.  I have kept to that, for the most part and it has been hard.  What I do now is pick at bites until they become wounds.  Pick at bumps until they become wounds.  Pick until I am wounded.  And I am walking on wounds, as I have been ripping at the soles of my feet,

I am having problems walking, because of this.  We have changed my meds because of this.  But this is what I know:

If you are starting to hurt yourself, it will not get better.  You will only have to live with visible scars that you want to cover, whilst the inside scars still bleed.

If cutting yourself is your only form of control/release, please seek help, because you are worth it.  (On the right, I have a list of resources).

Although this may seem harmless, it's not.  Self-harm is a bad coping skill, a sign that all is not right and that you need help.  Some injuries may lead to death.  My last burn was to a degree that I was lucky to not suffer further.

It may seem cool and appealing now, but I'm telling you now at 42 years old, it's not.  Having to hide my scars under long sleeves and pants gets old.

Treasure yourself.