If I gave you life, I wonder
If I could close the door
That living link that binds us
Perhaps for Eternity
Dismissed

If I gave you life, I wonder
If you would take it from me
And kiss the cold statue
Instead of me
Dismissed

Worlds burn
A small token of my being

So here I am in the real world.  This is from a photo shoot that took place for the show that I'm in.  We used my fantabulous Nikon to take pictures of the people we would be portraying.  Noreen took this of me, wearing a Hill Tribe hat.

Cricket likes the "saintly" uplifted eyes.  I think I was looking up to stretch my chins out!

This is my new photo, as I just started the Animal Behavior College.  I started a blog, to record my experience.  Don't go there yet.  It is just a wisp of an idea.  I may just write it all here, because I'm layzee!

EDIT:  Well, I changed my avatar yet again, to a sketch that I did.

We can make the Web our safety net.

Thank you so much.  I have kept your comments on the original post, as they were the only thing worthwhile reading.

I just wrote a huge bitch-fest which I subsequently erased.  It was possibly warranted, but definitely horrendous.  Happy News and all that.  A gift:  I will not bitch tonight.

In light of that, I have scrubbed the sad and deadly words I wrote a timeless click of madness and sorrow ago.  Instead, I offer the sweet love of animals, the visions given by our minds and souls and the endless drift of soft clouds of loss and life.

It is the worst of times and the best of times, (thanks Chuck).  A time to regret the old year and experience hope for the new year.  In the U.S.A. we will likely watch the Tiffany (!  I just found that out and can you fecking believe it)? ball drop in Times Square.  Or the enormous "Peep" somewhere else in this great land.

Writers will try to sum up the year, with lists, points and endless "I told you so!", etc.  Critics will make their best and worst lists.  The musicians have already cashed in over the holidays, so are free to booze it up, or make appearances at Industry parties.  Perhaps only painters and other visual artists are excused this annual feeding frenzy.  Theirs is private communion between their hearts, minds, souls and their medium.

It is constant like the tides of the sea, the light of the day and the turning of the seasons.  All continue regardless, ebbing and flowing, fading and lighting, dying and returning.  We who are given the gift of expression must obey only one rule.   To use it to the best of our ability.

In that I have been remiss.  I have written rather than paint.  I would like to embrace both in the future.  Starting now.  I'm off to work on my self-portrait.  In a bit.  I just found some lovely things to watch, when I was pootling around for links.

Thanks to Stephany over at Soulful Sepulchre, I am the proud recipient of a shiny, brand new A Hoy Award.  Yippee and Yay!  I know, I know.  I should be modest, humble and proud to be included.  I am.  But I'm also super happy about the award.  Why?  Because it was conceived by bloggers that I respect, is named after a superlative athlete, has some very painterly artwork and encourages recipients to reach out beyond their own blogrolls when awarding the A Hoy to others.


Here are the guidelines set forth to an A Hoy Award recipient:


Rules for Making an Award

1. Pick five blogs that you consider deserve this award based upon any criteria - for example, the quality of the commentary, wit, humour, artwork, overall design, value to you of the information being provided, and so on.

2. The awarding blogger should choose at least two blogs not on his or her own blogroll, the purpose being to encourage variety of reading matter, and to have the person making the award think about what they like to see and read.

3. Your five choices must be published in a dedicated post on your own blog. This post must contain the name of the author (which may be their logon name), and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone. This post should contain brief details of what attracted you to the blog. Details may also be posted in the comments section of "What is a Hoy?"

4. In the same dedicated post, each winner has to show the award and acknowledge the blog that has given him or her the award.

5. Both those awarding and receiving A Hoy must show the link to A Hoy blog, so that everyone will know the origin of this award.

6. When publishing details of the blogs to which you have made your awards, these rules must be published for recipients to follow.


OKAY, I may upset some of my readers, because I didn't give them this award.  Trust me, there are many on my blogroll who more than deserve this award.  However, the fact that they remain on my blogroll signifies that I believe in them wholeheartedly.  Only one person, Eve Cleveland, is from my links.  The rest have been recently discovered, or not linked previously by me.  I hope you enjoy the "new blood"!

Eve Cleveland  

You may not know this, but my paternal Granny LOVED World Wide Wrestling.  She shrieked with joy at their antics, glowered at the Bad Guys and crowed for the Good Guys.  One more reason my father despised her; two more reasons for me to treasure her.  Granny would have adored Eve.  She'd have squinted through the smoke of her Rothman's, as she dealt cards for Poker and been impressed by the foam cooler keeping her beer can cold.



Rogue Medic

You have to love a medic.  That's just a fact of life.  But when they come with humour and insight, grins'n'giggles, well that's a whole other ballpark.  Please check out the Jenny! McCarthy post, to see what I'm talking about.  As many of you know, I'm on record for hating "smilies" and "emoticons".  So if I nominate a blogger with a big-arse yellow smiley face as his picture, you know I mean business! 

Mo 

I only just glommed onto his blog, which looks brilliant.  Unfortunately, as a Manic Depressive, he's not feeling like a full packet of tea.  You know, the holidays and such.  Pop on by and let this man know that his voice counts.  Not enough men are out there writing about this crappy yet wonderful illness.


Amanda

Blogger Buster has been an amazing tool for me, as I have learned computers on the fly.  In April 2008, I only knew how to email.  I didn't even know how to cut, copy and paste.  I owe most of my blog to Amanda, who writes Blogger Buster, including my Aspire Template and Archives widget. 
  
Vivienne

Vivienne has to be one of the most caring and compassionate women out there.  Although she is writing in English, her native tongues are far from it.  Her energy is infectious and her drive is a force to be reconned with.  Most recently she emailed me, concerned about some one on my blogroll.  She knew we lived near each other and wanted me to call and check up.  I'd already done that, but was touched by her concern.


Naturally, I'll be adding these fine people to my blog roll very soon.

 OK, if you are into reading, into self-discovery, into quizzes and into yourself, I have the answer for you!  Thanks to Candy, I took the Book Quiz.  Six questions and they tell you what book you'd be.  If you were a book, see.  Then they say what this book that you might be shows about you.   Deep, in a Cosmo sex-quiz kinda way, no?  Candy is some sort of anarchist, looking for some guards and avoiding the tax-man.  Me?  Well, I'm back in the Watership Downs, my friends.





You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

In a miraculous world, some events are beyond comprehension.  Nano-technology, the popularity of grave "blankets", Taco Bell and tea-cup dog breeds.  That said, I have recently been gob-smacked by some new reader's comments.  Why?  Because even though they are from "Sarah" or "Susan", they say exactly the same thing!  How freaky is that?  Here's a comment from, um, "Sarah":

 I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

"Sarah";  (link to product I'd never buy).


OK, now here's one from her psychic twin, "Susan":

 I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

"Susan";  (link to product I'd never buy).


Now, I don't want you to get "Susan" confused with Susan, who is a really lovely woman, a talented writer and has probably never eaten Spam before in her life, unlike my new, thin fan "Alice".  "Alice" took the time to let me know that she'd lost some weight, in the comments area after I gave out the Arte Y Pico Awards:

I lost 13 lbs in only two weeks by obeying this one easy rule
http://www.You think I'm going to let you know what the silly cow linked?

....(Other comments omitted for the sake of time), so I replied:

ALICE~

I'm very happy to hear of your loss. Did that include part of your brain?

I'm just curious, because you shared about your diminished size in my comment forum, where the post had been about awards.

I think your weight loss was probably due to a diet consisting completely of SPAM.

....(Other comments omitted for the sake of time), so again, I give you "Alice":

I lost 13 lbs in only two weeks by obeying this one easy rule
http://www.I'm not going to give you the bloody link!
 
....(Other comments omitted for the sake of time), so I replied:
 
ALICE~

Alright already. You really need to stay away from those cans of Spam. You are clearly suffering from acute Spamaholia. You can't see the signs, but honey, we can

You are repetitive, self-absorbed and quite honestly, a tad rude. So, here's the deal. I'm going to delete any more comments that you post.

After all, it's not like you are saying anything new.
 
So, I guess I'm going to have to start moderating the comments.  Not because anyone writes anything hateful or malevolent.  But because evil breeds well in the banal.  So it may take time for your comments to appear, as I'm not always on top of things.  If you wish to register a complaint, stop by Alice's Spam Diner.

Thanks to John D. at Storied Mind, I have a couple of awards.  The most recent that he graciously gave me, was the Arte Y Pico Award.  As you know, I've been a bit off center over the past few weeks, so I have been remiss in taking care of business.  I have promised to follow through but, mea culpa, I have not.

I have actually spent some time on this award.  I went to all of the blogs that I follow, to see if they had it.  I also noted who had an entire case of trophies, and who amongst them didn't have this award and whom either had no awards, or simply didn't show them.  Also, to be honest, I tossed in how well I "knew" the blogger.  As in, how often I felt compelled to comment on their blog and how often they commented on others.

Like any award, it is based on many factors and may never be entirely fair.  (We have those buttons to push on the sidebars or under our posts, but those ratings are content driven, so if we write about stars, weight loss and celebrities, we may rate in a top ten).  But I pass this award on to those who are not highly rated by other algorithms, but by their character, content and courage.

This part of the blog world is not concerned with false numbers, which is why we give each other awards.  Many of us write simply to do just that.  Many write to let the world know we they exist, that we have ideas, issues and insights that have never been spoken, validated, acknowledged or accepted.  Many are part of this new and amazing tool, the web, that shines light, signals hope and offers experience to those who seek knowledge.  We give our life stories, our truth and ourselves, so that others may gain insight,  may learn, may connect and in turn add their own tales of triumph and loss, love and wonder.  As John D said:

The ‘Arte Y Pico Award’ is given to five blogs at a time based on their creativity, design, interest of content, and contribution to the blogging community, regardless of language. To learn more about this award, click here. Part of the honor of receiving it is passing along the award to other blogs that honestly seek out the truth of their authors’ experience.


So, here are my choices for the Arte Y Pico Award:

ANONYMOUS DRIFTER, a writer who is dedicated to her blog.  A married woman with physical and mental health issues, she records her life in complete honesty and detail.  A sometimes harrowing and painful read, her blog is a triumph of strength and perseverance.

LA, a woman who is learning the language of loss.  English failed to give a word to encapsulate the meaning of her mother's death to her.  She writes with a deep, personal and evocative style.  Some of her posts are so personal, that you may need to set up a password with her.  In a time where instant gratification is a la mode, I recommend taking the time to read her on-line posts and then move to the inner sanctum.

STEPHANY, the mother we all should have been blessed with:  Fierce warrior, unflagging champion, relentless representative, embodiment of Mother's Love, self-sacrificing, stalwart support for her daughter and so much more.  This is the woman we should all look up to.  But more important, we should support.  Her daughter is in a safe place now, thanks to her incredible mother.  But Stephany is foundering and at a loss.  Stop by and give your support.  With mums like her, we may no longer need psych meds.

IMMI, a woman of uncommon caring, giving and grace.  She writes openly about her life and invites us in with her unabashed views.  The statement that is on the top right of her blog invites questions, curiosity and the sort of glimpse into a truth you may have known before:

“They cursed us. Murderer they called us. They cursed us, and drove us away. And we wept, Precious, we wept to be so alone...And we forgot the taste of bread... the sound of trees... the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name. My Precious.”
by Gollum (LotR: RotK)

I think that Immi is leading us back to herself and in that manner, ourselves.


THINKINFYOU, a woman who is physically the absolute opposite of me!  Slim, blonde, manicured, waxed, tweezed and a laugh riot, to boot.  Through our mutual friend Eve, we met and have grown to care about each other.  Hell, I am Pig-Pen to her Howie Mandel!  So if we can find a common ground, maybe tigers could nurse piglets....Stop by her site, you'll be amazed!


So, you crazy Picos, there are some rules attached to this silly, I mean, deeply meaningful award:

You have to link back to the original Arte Y Pico site

You should also link back to the person who gave you the Award.

You should pick five other people who need to add some visual interest to their blog


I know that there are many others that deserve this award and they are not forgotten or ignored.  I am bound by rules to make limited choices, so have left many great blogs out.  But I have them on my blog rolls, so please, stop by.

My friend Polar Bear is having a rough time, so I thought I'd show him that others care for Polar Bears.  Not just me.  Stop by and say hello to him, if you can.  We need to take care of each other and ourselves.

Okay, here's the deal.  Philip over at Furious Seasons is running a fund raiser.  Why?  Because he needs money, silly!  Now, I have never asked the seven of you who read this to give money, right?  But I have my reasons.

No, I don't want to hop into bed with him, unless.... Actually, I have a tough time reading his blog.  In part, because he is in your face, fearless, relentless and challenging.  Me?  I'm a wuss.  He is on the front line of exposing big pharma complicities, psych med duplicities and a ferret in the holes of psych ethics.  In short, we need him.

He is a passionate journalist in an area that is lacking, a warrior in the uncharted waters of psych ethics, an unsung hero of transparency.  So, do us all a favour and stop by.  Donate a few bucks.  It may be the best money you have spent since your last medication co-pay.