One beautiful summer day when I was in my teens, I looked out of my bedroom window and felt dead inside. It was the beginning of my journey into mental illness, later diagnosed as Manic Depression.

In the year 2000, I was hospitalized for my first of many lengthy stays. I don't remember much about this time, partly because I was so sick and mostly, I believe, because by the third stay in 2001, I was receiving ECT. Electro-Convulsive-Therapy has been portrayed in "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest" and "Requiem For a Dream". A couple of things you should know about ECT are that they knock you out these days, so that you aren't actually awake while they fry your brains and that it's not supposed to affect your memory.

The latter, I can tell you, having had twenty-two "treatments", is patently untrue. My memory of the years of 2000-2002 is a bit like the few rays of sunshine that you see in a densely wooded forest. I don't even remember 9/11, despite the fact that I sat home and watched all day as the horror unfolded.

Why did I do it? Well, it had been recommended as a cure to my suicidal depression and I was desperate. I was in mental ward to save me from harming myself and I chose to make one of the most self-destructive acts of my life. But, it had its bright spots. The anesthesiologist was rather handsome and he had this wonderful way of holding up the needle, smiling his super smile and saying, "Small prick." How great is that?!

My wrists were trammeled with scars from self-mutilation, so a little needle was hardly worth a mention. But honestly, boys and girls, how often does a guy tell you "Small prick" with a grin on his face? I tell you, that, and the speed with which I tumbled heels over head into oblivion was what kept me coming back, damn him!

You may know that the Supreme Court has had to consider the case of whether death by lethal injection is cruel and unusual punishment. The Death Row inmates who brought about this suit are concerned that if the initial knock-out drug isn't administered properly, then the next, paralyzing drug, will cause excruciating pain. Well, my knee-jerk reaction is, I'm sure they weren't too worried about making sure that their victims were nice and comfy. But that was short lived. Because I am against the Death Penalty. I won't bother preaching, because it's a waste of time. But I will tell you a little about the http://theinnocenceproject.org

It is a pro bono team of lawyers, law students and legal aids that help exonerate those that have been wrongfully convicted. Many of them are on Death Row. It is a fact that poor, minority, Southern men are overwhelmingly represented on Death Row. Also, men with lower I.Q.s and those with mental health issues. There was a moratorium on deaths while the Supreme Court considered the case. They have decided, seven pro and two against, that it is not cruel and unusual punishment.

The Death Rows are up and running again.