An exciting thing happened to me the other night. I learned something new out of the blue. I was driving around the block to park and this man came up to see as if I had jumper cables. As mine had been stolen, I offered to drive him to the local auto-parts store. I know, I know. For all of you out there, you should Never, Ever Let A Strange Man Into Your Car. But, I did.

So we went, exchanging pleasantries. His name was "Bob", he lives in the suburbs, loves animals, etc. On the return trip, things got rather interesting. Because it turned out that he was a Creationist. I actually don't know too much about them. I don't have a child in school, so they really haven't been more than a blip on my radar screen. I mean, I know that they believe in the Bible and all that. That they think that Darwin, Evolution and Science in general is a bunch of silly old stories. But beyond that, I haven't given them much thought.

It's like the Gobi Dessert. I know that it's out there. But I think until you have stood in the middle of the oppressive heat, surrounded by the endless, undulating sand, with your teeth, pits and pants full of grit and your eyes blinded, throat parched, belly sickened and body wind-whipped, you just don't really understand it. But unbeknownst to me, I was about to get gob-smacked with an ear-full of Bob's thoughts on How The World Began.

It started out innocently enough. Doesn't it always? Bob brought up that a word in the Bible (which text, edition and so forth I didn't ask) said that Jesus drank (?!) wine, had not been correctly translated. That it should have been "grape juice" and here were all these priests mistakenly guzzling back wine. Well, having just seen Eddie Izzard, I thought I'd be helpful and jump in here, having no idea whom I was talking to. So I piped up with, "Oh yes, and did you know that the word for "woman" and "virgin" were one and the same? So Mary may not have been a Virgin and the whole Christian Church may have been based on a fallacy?"

I wandered a bit into the Arabic language and the many complexities of the translation there, say for example, and was about to go further when Bob jumped in:
Did I know about the problem of Evolution being taught in schools? I confessed that I didn't, so Bob was able to tell me. I kept my mouth shut and just let him talk, not trying to argue my side. I figured this was my best way of hearing his ideas. From my point of view, most of what he said made no sense whatsoever. But, enjoying a serious Manic Depressive Disorder, I also hear symphonies, see portals, and know for a fact, (backed up by Cricket's mum), that I have seen a ghost. Bob told me lots, and here it is to the best of my recollection:


"There's no such thing as cavemen..No such thing as cavemen...No cavemen...There were no dinosaurs..no....Evolution has black people thinking they come from apes...The Bible is based in fact...Things that were written years ago prove that...For example; it says that the world is a foundation and when you dig down, the ground is solid....The world is only four thousand three hundred years old...The Bible says that God created the world in six days...It's amazing that it is off by only three hundred years...Did you know that there used to be people that were twenty feet tall?...It's true!...That's how Noah fit all the animals on his ark....They found what they think is his grave in Turkey, and a piece of bone from the thumb of a person that would have been twenty feet tall....The rivets from the ship were this big...The iron age was then..And there are no dinosaurs, but when they did find some, there was a clay doll, so what does that say?....Not that there are any dinosaurs....But I was on Lake Erie when one did wash up and it had the head of a dog. Have you heard of http://freehovind.com?"

(I admitted I had not).

I honestly can say that I cannot remember much after this beyond going back to his car and re-starting it. I was quite confused by the dinosaur/doll issue and the whole thing about "blacks" thinking they came from apes. I thought that the whole bloody lot of us did. I also think that Eliot's "And I shall show you fear in a handful of dust" speaks to the Creationists.

I went to the freehovind site. What is strange about it is I felt as if I was being punked. It is devoted to Kent Hovind, who is currently residing behind bars for crimes so complex, I won't bore you here with the details. Apparently, he assaulted his personal assistant, did some tax evasion and built on land without proper permits. His wife is also behind bars. All of this is detailed on the site. The site also:

~Sends you to Wikipedia, which is none too flattering

~Details all the criminal activity that Kent has been up to, with commentary from his supporters

~Posts comments from people from the non-Creationist community

~Asks for money

~Uses dinosaurs as their logos


I could go on but if you want, check it out. It is a gem, if you like to see the world through other peoples' eyes. If just for an hour.