I know an amazing woman. Her name is Rachel and she has battled cancer since 1995. As of this post, that would make it thirteen long years. About the time that the baby you gave birth to would begin to roil in teenage hormones. Almost half of the time you need to pay off a thirty year mortgage. How long is thirteen years? In a child's summer, a day can last for an eternity. In our teen-age years, each moment changes; depending on whom we are spending it with. A hated class can last forever, a quick glance, the same. As we grow older, it seems that time, just our memories, is sifting like sand through our fingertips. The concept of time is a strange thing.

I know that my own perception of time and space changes due to the whims of my illness. I'm Manic Depressive. I don't care for the P.C. "Mental Health Consumer" title, because I never shopped for it. ( Unless you count the cost of medical care, emotional wear and tear on loved ones and the time I have lost inside institutions). I also don't like the more recent "Bipolar" title, because I think it softens it, and reminds me of Polar Bears, which I like and have nothing to do with mood swings. I happen to live with my best friend Cricket ("My Best Friend Cricket" of 5/20/08), who can point out when I don't have the best grip on reality, something that I am profoundly grateful for.

One thing that happens when you are depressed, is that you feel guilty and that you are being punished. There is no reason for this feeling. But you have it anyway. Another thing that happens when you are depressed is that you feel like you have felt like this always; you cannot ever remember feeling joy. The most awful thing about depression is the complete and utter lack of understanding about it. People seem to think that if they offer platitudes, or come over and help clean up, that they may solve the issue.

As I said before in "A World That Is 20% Clinically Depressed" of 5/26/08, the World Health Organization back in 2002 stated that we had a global epidemic on our hands, with 20% of the world being clinically depressed. That is over six years ago. What have we done? And we have not even begun to look at the other mental health issues.

Although I do suggest you take a gander at the W.H.O.'s brilliant 2005 Declaration on European Mental Health. When's the American tour?

But I digress. Rachel's fight with cancer has taken out the ability for her to bear children. She is younger than me (I am 42) but I would happily donate the bits 'n' pieces she needs. Despite the fact that lung, heart, kidney and almost any other major organ can be replaced, the uterus seems to be off limits. I am not sure if this is a remnant of sexism in the medical field, like their desire to lop off cancerous breasts, but it needs to be looked at. If 5% of Erectile Disfunction Medication Profits went to cervical cancer research and development, that'd be nice.

When I called Rachel on Wednesday, she was weeping. She was absolutely sure she was being punished. Now, I know for a fact that she has been in service to others for over sixteen years. She is a woman of uncommon strength, grace, wicked humour and numerous talents. She was married to a blind musician and lived with him in India for a while. She can decorate a cake, sell second-hand cars, create web-pages, paint, cook amazing dishes, bring together people of varied backgrounds, complain to the wait-staff at a diner (I can't!) and make me laugh my arse off. I asked her if she had talked to her therapist and she said she hadn't, so I highly recommended that she did.

We talked for a long time, with me reminding her of certain things which I am writing for you too, in case you don't know how to talk to a loved one who is depressed. Also, after, I will give you links to sites that will help you. It's worth your while. Seriously.

A)"I love you deeply and I know that what you are going through is real".

B)"The feeling of punishment/guilt may feel real to you, but is not realistic because (I know) you are a .... "(caring, giving,wonderful,special person who has saved so many lives).

C)General fatigue,loss of/gain of weight, sleep changes...When in doubt, check it out. You'd probably do it for your pet, right? At least go on line to the sites I post.

D)You may be in a situation where some one talks about despairing depression, or having been on the brink. This may seem really frightening to you, but it is a compliment. That person feels safe enough to tell you how sick they are: so understand that first. I am no therapist, but at this point, they may just want to talk.

E)"I feel like/am hurting myself/ending it all/I'm just so tired of everything/I'm not/it's not worth anything anymore"
THIS IS A CRISIS. DON'T STOP. GO TO THE E.R. YOU ARE NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL.

There was a recent event y'all should know about. The http://www:revolutionhealth.com/expo where you could log on to all sorts of sites, including:
http://NAMI.org
www.DBSALLIANCE.ORG

Everyone knows some one that is ill with Depression or some other form of mental illness. When my Grandmother was in the hospital dying of cancer in the seventies, it was referred to as the " Big C". AIDS was the next untouchable, unmentionable disease. But historically we have had the malevolent practices of stereotyping, marginalizing, poking fun at, torturing and hysterical reactions to those who suffer the indignities of mental illness. And as a person who is institutionalized often, for up to three months at a time, I can tell you that as we do not get visited by our families with balloons and flowers. I am blessed by a couple of dear friends, but I am one of the lucky ones.

Rachel is sick. Her friends and family are confused and tired and angry. They want her to be the strong, healthy, vital, funny woman that they know and love. She does too. She's seriously in need of some medication that the Scientologists would have you believe that you just don't need. If you don't believe me about the Scientologists, or if clicked on the link to them and were amazed by what you saw, you should look to http://whyaretheydead.net.

Rachel is going to be well, because she has a network of caring people who are invested in her. This is a return on her out-pouring of love and caring over the years. People are a little like streams, because you never know where their energy may flow. I believe and hope that Rachel finds some of her many, many salmon swimming upstream this season.