Mental illness. Those two words conjure up many powerful images for us, thanks to our not so distant historical treatment of the insane and the portrayal of the mentally ill in movies and television. For those of us living with a diagnoses of mental illness, it can range from a minor bother to a life-threatening struggle involving frequent or even long-term hospital stays. Me, I tend toward the latter.

My parents weren't keen on my school's recommendation that I see a psychologist when I was ten so that I could remain in enrolled. They offered me the option of a boarding school, which I stupidly thought would be fun, and chose instead. As a teenager, I realized something was seriously wrong and found myself a therapist. Due to the laws, he had to disclose our relationship to my parents, because I'd shown him some cuts on my wrists. Neither my parents or I were pleased about that development. I stopped going shortly after.

The internet has made things a lot more accessible these days. There is an amazing site called PsychCentral, which I wish had been available when I was first looking for help. It has resources, loads of information, quizzes you can take to see if you may be suffering from an illness, blogs, support groups and lots more. Go and see!

What caught my eye was a piece by John Grohol, Psy.D referring back to an earlier article he had written, "10 Common Reasons to Lie to Your Therapist".

To anyone who has not been in therapy or fails to see the point of therapy, the title probably says to them that A) people who pay to lie to therapists must be coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs and B) therapy cannot work. Either of these statements may be true; Cocoa Puffs can be quite enjoyable for some and therapy will not work if certain conditions are not met. If there is not a feeling of mutual respect, then there is little hope. Trust has to be gained for a client to be able to explore their issues.

For myself, one of my biggest problems had been worrying that I was letting my therapist or psychiatrist down in some way. I try to hide when I feel depressed, fearing that my mood is somehow going to wreak havoc on others. My therapist is a Cognitive Behaviorist, and I used to fret that she'd think I hadn't been doing my "homework". Also, she so clearly was concerned for my well-being that it upset me to come in when I was feeling lousy!

As to my psychiatrist, I know that he's great in the field of medicine, but I happen to be one of those that gets tolerant to drugs quickly. I definitely had some transference going on there. He's the warm, caring father-figure that I need so badly in my life. When I'm feeling low, it's hard to pick up the phone and tell him I need help, because in my real life my father has rejected me.

But I know that the cost of not calling will get me another two or three months on a psyche ward. I just did a rough tally of the time I've spent in hospitals over the past eight years and it's at least two years altogether. Best for me to tell the truth.