If your father had chosen another path, he would be brave and true. If he'd decided not to run, he would be expressing his emotions instead of attempting to numb them out.

Children often polarise - the same as or different from their parents. I can relate - a friend of mine says she's not sure how I came out of the union of my parents. How is it I was born of my mother?

Well, everyone has choices between honesty, truth and hiding. Many people choose hiding because they are afraid. Some of those who are afraid also blame other people. Those they are close to - because its easier than looking at the truth.

You are your father's daughter - just like the person he would have been if he was brave.

I haven't spoken to my own father in 2 yrs.,and as much as I try to not let it bother me like it's his loss,it still hurts with a pain that I wonder if it will ever go away.
My father too, has a problem with being able to tell me he loves/loved me.The hurt stings even more when I see other people he could show love to like it was as simple as breathing,for me though it seemed like he would rather die than give. I took him out of my life for that very reason.I would always walk away from being around him thinking what the hell is wrong with me. No more though, I think you have to come to realize that guilt plays a lot in not being about to show love.The guilt he must feel for not protecting you must be huge. Have you ever tried writing him a letter explaining your needs and thoughts? Maybe that would help.
I wish I had a brilliant solution to this problem,which unfortunately I don't. But I do, want you to know that you aren't alone in what you're feeling and going through.

Svasti~You flatter me, with your high opinion of me. I am only as strong as I am, thanks to forces around me.

I have my best friend Cricket, a woman who is fierce, due to her brilliant parents. Her father died before she came to college.

Luckily, I got to know her mother, before she died too young. She showed me grace in the face of fear and death. She loved me, as her daughter's friend.

She also wanted me to be here for Cricket. Something that I have tried, however badly.

The only real lie I live these days is my blog. I write under a nom de plume, so that my estranged father and sister do not stumble upon it.

I don't care if they read it, but I worry about my mother. She is between the Devil and the deep blue sea. She loves her husband and both of her daughters.

I write about the pain of my lost family, so I would hate for my sister, say, to bring this blog up to her. Now, I can write what I think. If any of them knew, god knows how this would go!

I am so my father's daughter. Too bad he will never see it.

Thinkinfyou~ Baby girl, I'm sorry, so sorry about your paternal situation. I think, oh shit, I can't think when it comes to this!

I know that when a man can't love his girls, they head to the next man who can love them ASAP. That's why so many of us get laid too early.

I just learned from my CT therapist, that when my parents finally showed after my third lock-down, my dad said something interesting.

He said that he'd been backing away from me for some time, as he thought that I'd kill myself soon.

Kind of obscene, in retrospect, when you read his letter to me. (My Father Shuts The Door.)

The trouble you and I have, is that we are alive. We hold hope in one fist and sand in another. Should we keep hold of hope, or let the sand trickle out?

You should know, by the way, that I have reams of letters and e-mails that I have sent. To no avail. e.g. I found out that my sister got married. She started e-mailing me. She mentioned the marriage after a couple of months.