Okay, even the burning Bush administration has acknowledged that the Greenhouse Effect is maybe, even possibly a real, um, thing like, sorta, well, thingy.  Which doesn't mean that all those folks at Greenpeace are being crossed off the list of people to wire-tap.  But hey, it's time to shop, so who gives a flying endangered species!  Or endangered planets!  We've got a real problem.  Chaney is looking for a job.  Like the rest of us.  Anyway, I have a couple of nifty ideas that should solve the whole Greenhouse Effect.  Bear with me, because this is real Science.

Okay, so the the first idea has to do with the laws of Thermodynamics, which many of us may not recall from our education.  I offer you a quick cheat sheet, which isn't hard, because there are basically two laws of Thermodynamics.  In a nutshell:

1)  The first law of Thermodynamics:  Heat is work and work is heat.

2)  The second law of Thermodynamics:  You can't pass heat from the cooler to the hotter.

Failing that, I have second idea.   A concept which may at first seem a tad on the radical side,  even slightly maverick?  But please bear with me.  Walking on the moon was radical, putting rovers on Mars was radical, finding the Titanic was radical, even Google is bloody radical.  Are you with me so far?  Alright, here are some facts, first:


In 1815 the Indonesian volcano Tambora errupted, with ash spewing out of the thirteen-thousand-foot peak, plunging the area into utter darkness for days.  Around thirty-six cubic miles of ejecta spewed forth.


In 1816, the "year without summer" occurred.  In June, snow fell in the northeast of the US, sometimes as much as twenty inches, with flakes as large as two inches across.  Ruined crops resulted, thanks to blizzards and frost that were in effect for five days.  Although the farmers replanted, the freaky, frozen weather returned in July, August and September.


In 1920, they figured out that the blast of Mount Tambora had caused this cold summer.  They realized that the volcano blasted up into the stratosphere huge quantities of fine dust particles, which remained suspended there for years and reduced the amount of warming sunlight able to reach the earth's surface.  The opposite of the greenhouse effect. *





* The Pessimist's Guide to History. Doris Flexner & Stewart Berg Flexner.




Think about it.  This is a golden opportunity.  See, we think about some dirt that we are tired of having around.  Then we shoot it into space.  A couple of years later, we'll be feeling quite cold.  But we knew it was coming, so we've stocked up.  We'd have those clever light bulbs that mimic sunlight, saving us from Seasonal Depression, stockpiles of processed and canned foods and street salt out the wazoo.


A summer or two of cold and we could all be driving SUVs with no guilt.  We'd need SUVs to get over the big ole snow piles and frozen wildlife.  Details.  So, stop recycling and all that rot.  We need to stuff the landfills with crap to shoot into space, now!