Okay, this may sound strange, but bear with me.  You should keep a can of Sardines in your car/messenger bag/Gucci hand-bag.  First, they are very good for you, with lots of stuff that people who care about food are saying is just plain good for you.  Also, this is a good fish to buy, as it is small and breeds a lot.  This seems to be important.

The best thing about a can of Sardines, is how you can apply it.

A)  Great for attracting stray or roaming animals.

B)  Great for a Power Snack.

C)  Great for slicing into bits, to place behind the hub-caps of the bastard in your life.

D)  Great bastard repellent.  Eat one fish and that SOB will back off like you are on fire.

The main problem with Sardines, is we have yet to figure out how to send them over the phone-lines to telemarketers.  Ideas, anyone?