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Trudging Through Depression.  

Posted by kw in , ,

My depression has been bad for a while.  Too bad for me to write about, for fear of worrying Cricket.  Thinking if I just kept going, this too would pass.  The sort of thinking that has ended with me in a psych ward, too many times.  But I thought this time would be different.  It may still be.

But I opened up to Cricket.  Because she asked?  Because she deserves it?  Because I'm tired?

All of the above.  Plus, I cannot continue like this.  My mind is a mess and I am exhausted.

The bloody saint that she is, she gave me the grace of her compassion, care, concern and love.  I should be screaming from the rooftops about how blessed I am, that I have the incredible Cricket:  My best friend.  My sister.  My hero.

I cannot stand myself, the thing I am, was.  I grasp the slim straw of hope, crippled fingers reaching and fumbling, searching.  I seek only that I may in future give back, in some small measure, the kindness that has been showered on me by so many friends, by you and by Cricket.

She has asked nothing of me, but that I try.  That I be honest.  That I reach out for help when I need it.  And so, in turn I give what I can; my undying love and life.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 11, 2009 at Sunday, January 11, 2009 and is filed under , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

7 comments

Wandering Coyote  

I'm glad you were able to open up. It's the hardest thing to do when in the pit. I experience so much guilt that it just makes everything worse. But, in the end, my family has been relieved I've told them stuff rather than kept it in. Sounds like you're getting exactly what you need from Cricket.

Take care.

Sunday, January 11, 2009
Laura  

How fortunate you are to have this person in your life. I'm sorry that depression has its claws in you at the moment. Thank God you're not alone in your battle. You have many who care for you.

Sunday, January 11, 2009
Anonymous  

Dano, I'm glad you told Cricket how you're feeling. I think its important.

If it was my friend, I'd want to know.

And yeah, you're so lucky to have her. But have you ever thought, she probably feels lucky to have you, too?

Hope you start feeling better soon xo

Monday, January 12, 2009
kw  

WANDERING~

You just said what I needed to hear, so many thanks. It is also heartening to know that you have a family that cares for you.

Give all of your loved ones my heart-felt gratitude for staying with you. They may have their issues, but that they are there for you speaks volumes.

ANONYMOUS~

I think I only exist here because of Cricket. Thank you for your understanding.

SVASTI~

Thank you, my friend. Believe me, Betty the Siggi,(her words, not mine, on my blog) voiced the same to me.

I'm just sick and failing right now, feeling like a massive cloud of doom. A ball and chain.

But I'll get better.

Monday, January 12, 2009
Thinkinfyou  

I pray daily that you start seeing brighter days soon! Cricket must be an angel!!

Monday, January 12, 2009
Nanny Goats In Panties  

Please forgive me, but even after reading several of your posts for a while now, I haven't figured out who Cricket is. Can you just fill me in really quick? Is she a friend? Or literally your sister?

Monday, January 12, 2009
kw  

THINKINFYOU~

Thank you so much. I believe she's got her wings, but being the agnostic she is, she'd be appalled to hear that!

NANNY~

I have a birth sister, who is estranged. Cricket and I met in college, and have been friends ever since. To me she is both best friend and sister.

If you look in my archives under friends and freaks, you'll see a couple of Cricket dedicated posts.

But I have been a sloppy blogger, being remiss in my links. I'll re-edit, with links to those posts.

Sorry, I've not been my level best.

Monday, January 12, 2009

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